Lucy Spraggan allegedly underwent gender confirmation surgery as a teenager -TGN

X Factor star Lucy Spraggan on identifying as a boy named Max until puberty. (Getty)

Ahead of the release of her new memoir, former x factor star Lucy Spraggan has opened up about her complex relationship with her gender identity after identifying as a boy named Max during her childhood.

Earlier this month, Lucy Spraggan revealed in a powerful interview with the Guardian that she left The X Factor back in 2012 after being sexually assaulted by a hotel doorman.

The 31-year-old singer, who rose to fame on season nine of the popular ITV reality competition in 2012, explained that she made the brave decision to open up about the ordeal in an effort to “rebuild myself and move on” from a decade of silence.

Ahead of the release of her new memoirs Process: finding my waySpraggan shared another experience that shaped her life while appearing on the podcast How to Fail with Elizabeth Dayexplaining that she identified as a boy named Max for most of her childhood and teenage years.

“I don’t remember ever being a little Lucy,” the singer explained to Day. “It wasn’t that I wanted to be a little boy, I wasn’t a tomboy, I was a boy. I went to the hairdresser with my brother, I climbed trees (not that that’s for boys) – I wore boxer shorts. It wasn’t that I ever pretended to be anything. I was living my absolutely authentic self.

Spraggan related an anecdote in her book where she proved to her male school friends that she was a boy by unbuttoning her pants and showing everyone her boxers.

“All the little boys said ‘oh yeah, look, we knew you were a boy’ and the simplicity of that is what we lose as we get older,” she continued. “You are who you say you are, I still believe that now. I was a little boy until puberty.”

Despite the progress made on trans rights, a recent wave of anti-trans sentiment – ​​particularly in the US and UK – threatens to undermine genderqueer children exploring their identities at school.

On Wednesday (July 19), Education Secretary Gillian Keegan confirmed that the UK government plans to ‘out’ schools of trans children to their parents; a decision that has sparked backlash from MPs, teachers and LGBTQ+ organisations.

Spraggan luckily remembers it her mother supported me unfailingly as she researched her identity.

“If I had decided to stay Max, she would have said ‘absolutely’ and the strength in that is such a privilege,” she explained.

On why she didn’t continue to identify as Max throughout her adulthood, the “Bodies” singer explained that a lack of “options” for gender-affirming surgery coupled with the onset of puberty prevented her from living authentically.

“At the turn of the millennium, there weren’t the options we have today and people really struggle to understand that if that had been an option, I would have loved to still be Max,” she continued.

Spraggan has been vocal about her struggles with body image in recent yearssuffering from disordered eating and weight loss that required her to undergo breast surgery.

“I think a lot of the issues I had with myself and my body image were based on the fact that puberty kept me from being Max,” she explained to Day.

“I know it’s hard for people to understand because when they look at me, they see a woman with blonde hair and fake breasts. But that doesn’t necessarily mean I’m still comfortable being a woman and I’ve had to really undo that my whole life.

Spraggan’s relationship with her gender identity remains complicated to this day, and she described surprising feelings of “jealousy” towards trans men.

“My sister said ‘oh yes, we had this conversation that if you switch to Max now, none of them would be surprised’. The other day I saw this trans man with a great beard and I immediately thought ‘I don’t like this person’. Then I thought ‘what are you doing here?’ I was jealous of his beard.

“I don’t get jealous of cisgender beards, only trans men’s beards.”

Despite her continued scrutiny of her gender identity, Spraggan admitted that one of the reasons she is not transgender is “because of the amount of hate and prejudice and harassment towards transgender people”.

She recalled an anti-trans protest she encountered in Birmingham that made a deep impression on her.

“I cried because I thought ‘how many people here are protesting someone who is their authentic selves’. And I could look at almost anyone there and say ‘you’re mad because you’re not being honest with yourself’.”

Lucy Spraggan’s debut memoir Process: finding my way is available to buy now.

Rape Crisis England and Wales works to eradicate sexual violence. If you are affected by the issues raised in this story, you can learn more at their website or by calling the National Rape Crisis Helpline on 0808 802 9999. Scotland rape crisis helpline number is 08088 01 03 02.

US readers are encouraged to get in touch RAINor the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673.