Plus sizes in Paris -TGN

Body acceptance in the land of “French girl chic”

Hello Friend!

Have fun with July’s guest author #TransparentTuesday email (below), written by Erin Zhurkin– author of the novel PLUS SIZE IN PARISand an American living abroad who has a really interesting story to share!

bug hug,

Jessica

Plus sizes in Paris? C’est complique.

For the past sixteen years I have lived (and adapted to!) six completely different countries and culturesby being determined and flexible and able to approach diverse cultural perspectives with curiosity and respect.

I have always been an avid adventurer; not only in terms of world travel, but also in terms of personal growth. I like to travel within and see where I am missing opportunities that can enrich my life.

And all this adventure – both outward and inward – is done in a plus size body.

It took me seven years to get my first novel Plus sizes in Paris released into the world, and I did it with the realization that society says I should feel faulty because of my body size, if i’m honest i feel anything but.

Being an American abroad for so many years, I often get the same questions. Questions like:

And the big daddy of them all…

I’ve learned to answer those questions gracefully because I want to represent an America that can hold those comments with an open heart and an open mind.

But when I lived abroad as a curvier woman, I also found myself to ask questions, about the unattainable body size and beauty standards in the different cultures I lived in. It was fascinating to me that terrifyingly unattainable standards of beauty were not only an American thing I grew up with and brought with me in my luggage, but turned out to be a global thing as well!

There are exceptions to that, and some cultures lead the way (no pun intended), but for the most part, I’ve experienced a common thread that runs through every place I’ve lived: unrealistic standards of beauty.

In Paris it was the pressure to be French girl chicwith a super thin body that required a lot of restrictions, and the weight of those expectations was heavy indeed.

In Seoul (where I live now) it would have been soul crushing if I hadn’t accepted that I will never be the body size that is considered acceptable, even if I tried to lose weight. I just can’t compete with the beauty standards of thin perfection that are generally accepted as the norm here.

So to protect myself and my mental health, here are some things I’ve done to counter those unrealistic beauty and body ideals:

1. I faced my own prejudices and shadows of judgment.

I had to fully accept that who I am may never be fully embraced in whatever culture I am in, but I can still stay true to myself by focusing on what i to offer. (Funnily enough, a quote from the famous French woman Coco Chanel, “beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself,” has become my pole star!) While living in Paris, I desperately longed for a book that talked about what it felt like to live in a bigger body that didn’t measure up to the norm. So I decided to write one! However, as I began formulating my protagonist Abby’s story, I realized that I still carried my own biases and judgments about myself and others about body size. So I had to start getting Real honest with myself, and dismantle those prejudices. Writing and formulating this story has helped me to give substance to that. I believe that the only way we can fully combat unattainable and oppressive ideals of beauty and body shape is by working together and advocating for the inclusion of all, and that includes how we develop our stories in fiction… and I really wanted my book to reflect that. So I remained curious about our society’s deep-seated prejudice against larger bodies—not just in others, but in myself. I had to start with myself.

I intend to stay true to myself while writing Plus sizes in Paris, which meant not compromising on expressing what it felt like to live in Paris as a curvier woman, but also bringing together women of all shapes and sizes within that culture. Instead of judging the people who judged me, I worked to remain curious and compassionate, both for myself and others, regardless of body size. Eventually I came to realize that while being judged by others, feelings of unworthiness can arise me, those judgments may stem from a sense of unworthiness the one who judges, at. After all, if we believe we are worthy of taking up space in the world, regardless of our body size, we don’t feel the need to judge others or their bodies.

2. I fully embraced the fact that I have something to offer, and I can make a difference just by being myself.

I’ve scheduled time with myself to sit in those charming Parisian cafes and just are. I got talking to the French waiters – people who are stereotyped as curt, unpleasant and unfriendly – and found that most of them were the opposite: interesting, helpful and friendly. I decided that my character François, who is a French waiter, would be my main character’s romantic interest, bringing humor, fun, and light-heartedness to her life, just as they did for me on many days when I struggled with my feeling of not fitting in my first year in Paris. I decided to join a gym on the Champs Elysée after a dear fellow writer recommended it to me. She told me a story about the infamous Lido dancers entering the gym with their dancer bodies and energy and how it stimulated her to enjoy the visits more. I wanted to experience that too. I happened to be there one day when they were there, and I was sitting on a treadmill a few rows away and with my headphones on and Justin Timberlake’s song “Can’t Stop the Feeling” blaring in my ears, I started having some fun swinging and grooving. Sure, I watched enough and the line of Lido girls was grooving too. We exchanged smiles and I immediately felt a connection of health, vitality and joy. We all enjoyed each other’s energy and it didn’t matter what we looked like or how big our bodies were. I’ll never forget the moment of clarity that day when I put myself in a space that otherwise could have been hugely daunting… but ended up being hugely healing. Paris will always be a place where I found my creative passion and voice again, as well as where I pushed back on negative body thoughts. Putting those two things together gave me an incredible sense of letting go of the old tired body tropes and letting in something new, progressive and self-affirming. I came to believe in a world where we don’t think about body measurements at all (celebrating that we all take up space in our own unique ways in all different places), and connected to the fact that both me and my writing can play a role in helping us get there.

I hope that by sharing my story you may feel inspired or supported on your body acceptance journey, but you don’t have to go to Dublin, Paris or even Seoul to embark on an adventure within yourself. Sure, it’s fun to travel, but it’s just as rewarding to keep yourself open to what you may be missing about yourself. What if you went to those places inside that you fear? What would you think? I bet you will find a person who is full of amazing light, determination, and who is worth waiting there, ready to say, “Maybe it wasn’t that complicated after all?” What’s next?”