“The Runner…” -TGN

The body image avatar who uses his body to cope and feel SAFE.

Hello Friend,

I’m in Los Angeles for a week! I haven’t been here since I lived here before the pandemic, and I am So excited to see friends, eat food and return to my old stomping ground.

Today I want to talk about one of the four ,body image avatars— the runner.

If you’re new to body image avatars, they’re part of the step-by-step system I’ve created (and talk about in my book). ,BODY NEUTRAL and my tutorial program,The blueprint for body neutrality), to help people access body neutrality.

The idea behind my system is that body image suffering occurs when our body/appearance has acquired an inappropriate amount of power and meaning in our mind, and that we to give our body/appearance that kind of power and meaning by subconsciously assigning our bodies impossible “jobs” such as protecting us, making sure our emotional needs are met, or solving our problems.

Each of the four body image avatars represents one of the key patterns for how and why someone might do this, and I’ve created them to help you quickly and effectively identify yourself on the map of body image issues. Through the self-assessment (available in ,both my book, And ,the digital course mentioned above) and identifying your dominant avatar(s), you can gain instant insight into how and why your body/appearance has so much power over you, and where to start digging on the journey to body neutrality.

However, it is interesting that over the years I have created a lot more content about the other three body image avatars…

1. ,The self-objectification, that aims to get what they want and need by looking attractive

2. ,The Ambitious person,who seeks self-worth through external validation for being good and

3. ,The Outsider,who imagine their bodies as the key to connection and social security–

…than about ,the ,runner, who is focused on using their body (as well as their body image and body control behaviors). coping, escaping and feeling safe in the world.

This is because the ways and reasons we deal with life are vast and complex, and it can be difficult to talk about them (or give specific examples) in a way that is helpful to some people without alienating or erasing the experiences of others.

So to help you understand the Runner, let me give you a few examples from my coaching practice (with names changed) of people identifying with this particular avatar:

1. Casey grew up with a narcissistic and alcoholic mother and learned that she could never rely on anyone else to get her needs met, so she developed a pattern of hyper-independence everything themselves), and an aversion to vulnerability or letting people in. Relying on others for comfort and regulation never felt like a safe option for Casey, so she developed an eating disorder as a teenager and instead came to rely on her own strength, willpower, and self-control. This coping strategy was painful but effective, and she reached adulthood. But in her thirties, Casey found herself constantly stressed and obsessed with food, exercise, and her body, and it was tiring. Casey worked on her body image for years and had learned and healed a lot before we met, but she still couldn’t stop obsessing or taking control of her body. Why? Because obsession and control guided and protected Casey from the intense sadness she felt about not being “good enough” for people to be there for her, and the fear of making herself vulnerable, or trusting someone else and getting hurt. While her food and body image issues made Casey miserable, they also protected her from feelings and experiences she didn’t believe she could. to survive faced.

2. Terra experienced sexual abuse as a child and was not believed when she talked about it, which led to her developing a drug and alcohol addiction that took her nearly a decade to sober up. However, upon getting sober, Terra began to gain weight rapidly and developed intense feelings of shame about (and hatred for) her body. These feelings only grew stronger over the years as Terra tried to lose weight and went through a roller coaster of diets and binges; lose and win. But even though she reported feeling “better” about herself in a smaller body, losing weight never really erased any shame or hatred Terra felt, because those feelings weren’t really about her weight. Why? Because to understand her trauma (and protect her abuser from liability that would have broken the relationship), Terra held herself and her body responsible for her abuse, and imagined that by getting her body “perfect,” she could prevent bad things from happening to her in the future and finally feel safe.

3. Curtis grew up with the message that ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘men are men’. He learned from an early age that his emotions were shameful and disgusting. After discovering fitness as a teenager, Curtis became obsessed with getting muscular and developed severe body dysmorphia, along with feelings of disgust and fear of his body. Intellectually, Curtis understood that he was remarkably fit and lean, but it was never enough, and the thought of relaxing his rigid exercise and diet regimen gave him panic attacks. Dieting and exercising had become an important part of Curtis’s strategy to numb and suppress his feelings, and looking strong and powerful had become Curtis’s greatest source of protection against being perceived as soft or weak. In other words, Curtis had regained consciousness build upon his strict diet and fitness plan to feel safe in the world, and while he knew his habits were too extreme, he was terrified to imagine a life without them.

Can you see how each of these clients uses their body, body image, and/or body control behaviors to cope, escape, and feel safe? The reasons and strategies are unique to the individual, but the underlying ones goal of their body image issues is the same.

This goal is the calling card of the runner: they use their bodies (and body image-related behaviors) to protect themselves from something they feel they can’t handle, handle, or survive otherwise.

And this is the main point: when we unconsciously rely on something in this way– essentially for survivalsince these things feel life or death to us –our brains will not let’s give up, however much our conscious brain wants us to.

This is why runners seeking body neutrality must learn to recognize, face, feel and tolerate whatever it is they have used their bodies and body behaviors to stun, avoid, escape, or cope.

Because for the Runner, suffering from body image has become a survival and coping strategy.

This is of course easier said than done. The process of acknowledging, facing, feeling and tolerating these things often takes a lot of courage, patience and dedication. It often requires you to learn to reconnect with (and trust) your body, slowly increasing your capacity for discomfort, acceptance, and discomfort integrate your embarrassed shadow side and cultivating a variety of new (healthy!) coping skills.

Put another way, if you struggle with body image issues and identify with the Runner avatar, you have a lot of work ahead of you. But as (healing and healing) Runner himself, I promise you it is possible.

Each of the clients I mentioned above has finally found a way out of obsession with the body, hatred, dysmorphia and disgust…. and so can you.

Remark: if you want support and guidance to get there, ,apply here for coaching with me! I currently have a few private client spots available from August, and I’d be more than happy to help.

And if you resonate with the Runner, you’ll definitely want to listen to today’s episode of my podcast ,This is (not) about your body: ,,Facing the underlying fear.

My guest is Mindset, Embodiment and Intuitive Eating Coach ,Saskia Karand in the episode we talk about what happens when food and body image issues act as a distraction and coping strategy for dealing with chronic underlying fear and anxiety… and how to deal with it!

,Listen to the episode here, or ,watch the full video on my youtube channel here– and if you like my podcast, please subscribe and leave a rating/review!

Sending you a big hug from California,

Jessica